Do you have 10 lbs of shit stuck in your gut?

January 30, 2008

Now for the exciting topic of colonic irrigation, also called colonic hydrotherapy, also called hydrocolonotherpy, or simply otherwise known as an enema. I’ve been hit with Yahoo-spam-blocker-defeating spam wanting to know if I want my colon washed out with water. When I was younger, I had my mouth washed out with soap and water for being dirty, so why shouldn’t my other orifice be any different?

According to my health insurance provider’s website,

Colonic irrigation, also called colonic hydrotherapy, is a variant of enema treatment, which involves flushing the bowel with water in different quantities, temperatures and pressures. Through a tube inserted via the rectum, water may be introduced alone or with added enzymes, coffee, probiotics or herbs. Treatment sessions usually last about one hour. During a “high colonic,” water goes in through one tube in the colon and is removed along with debris through another tube called an obturator.

Coffee, eh? Ask your barista next time would dark or light roast be best for this. 

I’ve been told by someone who had gone to a colon irrigation seminar that we have an average of 10 pounds of shit clogging our colon at any given time. Unfortunately John Wayne had 40 pounds of shit in him when he died, and think of how thin he looked in his last public appearance. You think it was cigarettes that got him? The next time somebody says “You’re full of shit!” it may only be a concern for your health.

Why do proponents say you need one? OK say you have 10 lbs of shit laying around inside of you. Shit stinks, and is full of nasty germs. Vegetarians should be proud to have better colon health and meat eaters since the digested byproducts of meat stick around for a long time. Imagine the Atkins dieters. This is what it means to have 10 lbs of shit laying around:

Altered blood pH balance
Altered eating habits
Back pain
Bad breath
Bowel cleansing
Chronic fatigue syndrome
Detection of parasites
Digestive disorders
Distended abdomen
Epstein-Barr virus
Food cravings
Foul body odor
Gastrointestinal disorders
General health maintenance
High blood pressure
Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)
Improved mental state
Irritable bowel syndrome
Menstrual problems
Promotion of regular bowel movements
Prostate conditions
Screening for colorectal cancer
Skin problems
Strengthening colon muscle contraction (peristalsis)

There is another side to this. Some warn, including quack hunters, M. D.’s and other urban legend busters, that having your colon cleaned is unnecessary, that its proponents are full of more shit than The Duke. Indeed the procedure is often dangerous, and yes it could even kill you. You have to decide if it’s worth your life to cure B.O. or eczema.


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