Archive for June, 2008

Shutterbugs may be considered pedophiles in the UK

June 26, 2008

I read about these incidents in the UK regarding shutterbugs (snappers in British), or just plain photographers taking photos in public places. I like to take lots of photos (especially easy to do in the digital age) when I travel, so I have become apprehensive about traveling in the UK. Mind you, it’s possible to be arrested in the USA for taking pictures in public, and don’t take photos of anyone’s children.

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Pretzels, some head, and free membership in the Mile High Club

June 26, 2008

Apparently as a joke (British humor?) the CEO of Ryanair offered to give his business class passengers blowjobs, and thus automatic membership in the Mile High Club, on the new transcontinental flights on offer now from the el cheapo British carrier. It is unclear whether this is a legal offer.

Frankly sex in first class is not new. Singapore AIr felt compelled to ban sexual relations on its new Airbus A380 flights when service began last year. If you plan on getting lucky in flight, watch this. It could be exciting. Reminds me of the time I used to work at Nortel and this happened while I was there (real shame, both were married but not to each other, and the offending parties were actually charged with a crime). Once something’s been on the Net, it stays.

I would talk about a lesbian Mile High Club, but that would NSFW.

Unfortunately I am not a standing member of the club.  I guess most people join the club while standing.

If you read the first paragraph in a bad sort of way it implies that the CEO himself is giving the blowjobs instead of paying someone else to do them. I regret any misunderstandings.

LinkedIn is better than golf

June 25, 2008

To generation Y execs and budding execs out there, LinkedIn is apparently better than golf for networking. Nerds don’t want to leave the office.

If you decide anyway that you need to play to complete the deal or you believe that golf reveals all about your business abilities, follow this advice.

Filipino-American achievement

June 25, 2008

The Philippines has produced great talent over the years, a record of achievement. Being conquered, pacified and then occupied by the USA for about 50 years may have done some good.

President Bush believes that the Philippine nation is honored every time his FIlipino-American cook makes his dinner. The President may be enjoying fusion Filipino-Chinese cuisine as we speak.

Fox News’ resident Filipino-American makes sure that America is safe from donut wielding terrorists.

Remember the infamous “I Love You” computer virus – Yep, written by a Filipino. Not by a Filipino-American, but the virus did a lot of damage in America.

Filipino women may make better American wives than American women. If you need help in finding a Filipino wife, learn to say “I need a woman” in the FIlipino native language, Tagalog. Some people post photos of Filipino wives along with pet cats, dogs and turtles online.

Your life may be saved by a Filipino-American  nurse, As you’ve heard, the USA has a severe nursing shortage, and Filipinos are filling in the gap, as long as they aren’t treated too badly by their sponsors and walk off the job.

Many FIlipino nurses in the USA were once doctors back home, and their mass exodus is threatening the entire Phillippine health care system . But don’t worry about that, you are benefitting from them coming over here, the same way Bush benefits from his Filipino chef.

And don’t forget that the Philippines once produced a dictator-of-the-decade. Of course he stayed in power with the aid of good shoe salesman, and with a little help from his friends.

High tech firms hire psychics as consultants

June 23, 2008

Alexander the Great and other leaders of antiquity sought the advice of the oracle of Delphi. You can too!

From Newsweek:

When Seagate Technology, the $11 billion-a-year maker of hard drives for the Playstation 3 and Microsoft Xbox, went searching for a consultant to run one of its management workshops in the fall of 2006, it bypassed the usual list of Silicon Valley gurus. Instead, Seagate’s executive director of software engineering, Gabriel Lawson, invited Laura Day—a stylish New Yorker with no tech experience—to train his Colorado-based team. “She was amazing,” Lawson tells NEWSWEEK, recalling Day’s quick insights into the poor coordination between the company’s research and marketing teams. “Anybody who can afford her will get 100 times their money’s worth.” What exactly is Day’s expertise? While she likes to downplay it as mere “intuition,” her clients prefer another explanation: she’s a psychic.

Hopefully today’s psychics are little more straightforward that the priestess of Delphi was in her prophecies. Corporate types want straight talk.

Solve fuel shortage with our own bodies

June 23, 2008

Barbara Ehrenreich suggests liposuction as a way to get a good 45 million barrels of biofuel from obese American bodies. Funny.

This is not a new idea. The NYT archives has a piece from 1853 that suggests the use of human remains to make tallow, or the material that goes into candles.

Some of us may have larger amounts of fuel than others. This is related to the controversial phenonmenon of spontaneous human combustion (SHC). A theory is that humans burn up to due to human wick effect in which a body is devoured by flames from its own body fat.

And, climate change protesters calling themselves the Yes Men attended a Canadian petroleum industry conference and presented their new invention of vivoleum, a new renewable fuel made from human bodies.

The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit “commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.

The idea is, as human deaths are accelerated by climate change, the excess bodies can be harvested and made into vivoleum. The activists had a website, http://www.vivoleum.com up to explain the exciting new technology, but pressure believed to be from ExxonMobil caused their provider to pull the site down.

Echoes of earlier environmental disaster warnings like Soylent Green. Except that people were made into food, not gas.

Flight cancelled over a hat

June 21, 2008

A United Airlines flight was cancelled after its pilot announced to the passengers before takeoff that he was too upset to fly.

And what got the pilot so upset? Family issues or something else, like a labor dispute. According to USA Today’s article:

Jacobson said another passenger questioned the crew and that passenger told him the incident stemmed from crewmembers from another United flight observing the pilot wearing his hat. United’s pilots union has been urging pilots to remove their hats when they “are likely to be viewed by management,” as a form of protest, according to a notice on ALPA’s website.

“In the concourse, on the jetway, wherever. Show solidarity with your fellow pilots, show management our solidarity. Don’t wear your hat,” it says.

In a statement dated Jan. 15, the union instructed members to adopt the practice because “now is the time to show management that this pilot group is serious about regaining what was stripped from us during bankruptcy.”

 

 

Inshallah to you too

June 20, 2008

Egyptians leave it all to God’s will.

We Western moderns believe that we control our own destiny, in spite of natural disasters, and a black swan or two.

Genuine Windows Vista comments

June 20, 2008

On the Microsoft Windows marketplace site, I was looking up info on the different Vista versions (because I can’t keep them straight) and I saw that there are 12 customer comments on Vista Ulitmate:

Comment #1:

Pros:

Wonderful operating system, does everything one could ever posibly need, love it

Cons:

None Found

Comments:

I never thought I could get on with another operating system after Windows XP, because XP done everything I wanted. BUT I tried out Windows Vista Home Basic round a friends, and enjoyed the feel of the new features so I checked Microsoft.com to find out there was an Ultimate Edition, WOW was I amazed. And now everyday there seems to be something new I find out. My Recommendation is Windows Vista Ultimate for anyone who is upgrading. 5 Stars

Comment #2:

Pros:

I really like Vista over previous versions of Windows. It’s much easier to use, has some great new features, programs are easier to find and run, and just seems to work better with the rest of the devices on my home network.

Comment #3:

Pros:

So far I havn’t had any issues after moving to Windows Vista Ultimate SP1 on my home machine. I did notice an increase in speed for gaming, file copying and all around usage.

Cons:

Still notice a few problems here and there with app compatability but I think that will get worked out.

Comments:

Works great for home users who want the best bang for the buck and media center built in!

This one got through:

TRYED ALL VERSIONS OR VISTA AND ALL MEMORY MUNCHERS, I HAVE TOP SPEC QUADCORE EXTREME WITH 8GB 1066 DDR MEMORY, 4 RAPTORS 10.000RPM ON 64K STRIPE, WITH DUAL SLI 8800GTX GRAPHICS CARDS AND WASNT IMPRESSED!!!! I USE FLIGHT SIM AND IT ONLY RUNS ONE OF MY CORE’S, SP1 FOR SLIGHT SIM IS MEANT TO CHANGE THIS BUT IT DOESNT. TOTAL WAIST OF MONEY SO BACK TO XP PRO WITH SP3!!! HOWAY BILL YOUVE LET UP GAMERS DOWN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something to feel good about

June 20, 2008

Saw this on wordpress home page, makes my Friday for some reason

Australians fatter than Americans

Who knew that Vegemite sandwiches were so fattening?

But at least they’re serious about global warming